You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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