Will you blow on my dice?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize