I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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