i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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