Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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