I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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