Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
