Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
