I need help removing her.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
