Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
either way he was missing a nipple.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
