Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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