how do flat chested girls get laid?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
