omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My penis needs a shock collar
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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