Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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