did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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