just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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