Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
