my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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