I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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