If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
