she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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