well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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