I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
