i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
