I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize