At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
not ubering you a puppy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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