She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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