im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize