tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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