morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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