Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
