drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Less talking, more tequila
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
