not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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