Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize