I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize