I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
