I wannas sexs uuuuu
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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