Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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