Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
