this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
