So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
