My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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