why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
