i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
