i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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