you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
