She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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