End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
