we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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