Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
