Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so explain again why im purple
no
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize