Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
