I wanna passion pit in your ass
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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