i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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