I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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