he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
