I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ladies don't puke and tell
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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