Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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