Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
