I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
