My liver just broke up with me...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize