i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
