i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
