Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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