the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
