No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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