Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
