he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
