you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
