i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize