he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
