i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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