you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
